Holiday advice

[Enigma]

Thou shalt not skim flavor from the holidays

By Craig Wilson, USA TODAY

I hate this time of year. Not for its crass
commercialism and forced
frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with
their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays
without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine without finding a
list of holiday eating do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings,
high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on
vegetable sticks, they say. Good grief.

Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn't
think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something you left for
Rudolph. I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assureyou, if you follow
them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it to New
Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.

1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a
holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you
see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it
has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into
an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.
Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. if something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
with an automatic transmission. [yep-whole milk & real butter]

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat
other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember college?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise
between now and New Year's.
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is
the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table
while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the
center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't
leave them behind. You're not going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or,
if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
standards, mate.

10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the
party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips.
Start over. But hurry! Cookieless January is just around the corner.

[PT_Widow]

very funny .
memories of carrot sticks... LOL!

Sean (on Lori's puter)

[bbsandiego]

Speaking of memories of carrot sticks... a few years back my aunt ended up in the HOSPITAL on Thanksgiving because she inhaled a piece of raw carrot stick into her LUNG! These things are dangerous! You don't see anybody inhaling a turkey leg into their lung!

Disasterous results from Thanksgivings past (these are true)

1. Make sure you remove the bag of neck / liver / and other internal organs before you stuff the turkey (Grandma Kahuna did that in 1978 and we didn't find the bag until we started carving the bird)

2. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR KIDS ALONE while preparing turkey and stuffing! My parents left me (little Kahuna) in the kitchen alone while they went in the other room to look for a table cloth. I opened three boxes of red jello and poured them on the turkey and into the stuffing, hours before guests arrived. (Thanksgiving 1970)

[Dave Pgh]

What was the problem?

"There's always room for JELLO"